Hospital Work Gifts

'Great performance. He was going for a triple bypass, and he did a quadruple.'

'Correct. And in the case of a cardiac arrest, every second counts. Who can tell me why? Anyone? Clock's ticking.'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

"We are a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

'We'll make a mess of this one, you need to learn how to handle a malpractice complaint.'

'Whew! Five surgeries in one day! Well, let's try to make this last one end on a happy note!'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'The doctor's busy. Can you come back when you're better?'

'That's our safety director. He takes safety very seriously.'

'Get ready, the next wave of paperwork is washing in.'

Just Browsing.

'Let us through! We're junior doctors!'

NHS application system: 'Let me in! I'm a Junior Doctor!'

Emergency box has playing cards for non-emergencies.

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

Ways to handle difficult patients.

'A stitch in time saves a malpractice suit.'

'Is it a BIRD?...Is it a PLANE?...No it's another in depth inspection from the Quality Care Commission.'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

'That's our new Incontinence Specialist.'

'Here are the new guidelines on whistleblowing.'

'Are you sure it is to be delivered to this floor?'

'...Brad says he stuck a dime up his nose when he was 3 and he's betting us $50 that it's still in there.'

'I wish I could help you, but there's too much paperwork involved.'

'It's the paperwork you need to fill out to show that we're focussing on patients needs.'

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

'I don't know if I'll ever be perky again.'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Casualty

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'You are needed in Accident and Emergency, Doctor.'