Working In A Hospital Gifts

"Exactly how long is it since anyone came in to see you?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dancing Doctor

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Virtual Doctor

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Coronavirus Global Alert

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"This will be a tricky operation."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'Your wife wants to know if she should get a new propane tank for the barbecue.'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'