New Job In Hospital Gifts

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Welcome to the Team

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Coronavirus Global Alert

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"This will be a tricky operation."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."