Crew Gifts

'This new guy is getting on my nerves.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Cut!

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Slip Ahoy!'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Local News in Heaven

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Next camera crew 5 mins

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'