Crew Member Gifts

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

The captain had longe suspected the impending mutiny. But from who?

'Gosh you look familiar! Have we flown together?'

'I'm a boat person, but not in the pejorative sense!'

"She's sinking alright, Captain. Even the rats are wearing life jackets!"

Lifesaver!

'Do you have any other identification?'

"She's got in-line skates, a reinforced handle, waterproof lining, a cooler, a cup holder, light weight technology, plus both flame and bullet resistant!"

"They're flight attendants."

"Your sailing skills are improving but you need more work on the 'drop anchor' part."

'There's no point in asking... the captains not going back to look for your contact lens.'

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

"Now let's run through it once more, Mr. Harkness, and this time try not to shut your eyes when you pull the trigger."

'I'm inquiring about the damage control position.'

"Oooh—dollar in the swear-jar, captain!"

"Aye, Cap'n. He's handsome. But I'm fairly certain the manual says 'parrot.' Not 'ferret.'" "Arrgh. Shut yer yap and fetch me some rum."

"Look, salsa! This explains why the captain brought tortilla chips."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Would you like some wings?"

Cut!

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Slip Ahoy!'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

Next camera crew 5 mins

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

Hollywood producer.

Airport

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

So, Leo catches me, devours me...wears make up?"