Ship Crew Member Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: ladder.

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'Slip Ahoy!'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Lifesaver!

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

Sub Editor

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

"Are there any extra crew on board? He still looks hungry."

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

'Silent type, eh?'

Fisherman selling sardines in oil, haddock in oil, cod in oil etc..

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

"What a beautiful day to set sail!"

"This is supposed to be the clean room so we'll give it an additional five minutes."

'Ok, I won't let on we're sinking until the water reaches earlobes - then someone's going to hear about it!'

"I don't care what the owner's name is. It's bad luck."

Reality TV

Castaway hides from cruise ship

"She's sinking alright, Captain. Even the rats are wearing life jackets!"

"They're flight attendants."

USS Party Time.

'It's bad news for the cabin boy.'

Up Pariscope.

Sailors Scrubbing the Decks

"Oh U! The German periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

'Meet Bill, my most loyal sailor: I know he would only leave me if the boat were sinking...'

'Putting up a deck chair is a real bugger at the best of times.'

"Don't worry dude, that's not the intercom, here, give me the manual."