Submarine Crew Member Gifts

'Silent type, eh?'

The start of the world's first intercontinental food fights.

'Slip Ahoy!'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Lifesaver!

F&E Subs. Hey, you replaced the little swords with periscope-shaped toothpicks! Nice touch, Ernie!

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

Sub Editor

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

AUKUS Deal Annoys France

'It followed me home, can I keep it?'

"Sir, our hood ornament is slowing us down."

Celebrate National Submarine Day.

F&E Submarine Contractors. When we ask the government for assistance, we should avoid calling it a "bailout."

Submariners' Eye Test.

'Captain, I believe that your map coordinates are a bit off.'

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

'Oops! Butter-fingers.'

Refueling at Sea: Library Ship

U Boat

"I don't care what the owner's name is. It's bad luck."

"Rising sea levels."

Alexander Hopson, retired submarine Commanding Officer.

'I know you didn't just reach through the torpedo tube and grab those fish.'

"She's sinking alright, Captain. Even the rats are wearing life jackets!"

Submarine Attacks

“It’s ok to leave the lid up at home but not on a submarine.”

'Putting up a deck chair is a real bugger at the best of times.'

Little Submarines

'It's bad news for the cabin boy.'

"Oh U! The German periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

"I don't feel inspired to design submarines anymore."