Flight Crew Member Gifts

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Airport Security.

"Would you like some wings?"

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

Lifesaver!

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

Airport

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

Two airplanes

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

'Will that be coach?'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Safest Airline in The World

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

Christmas Flights

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"I don't know what's so funny. All I asked was whether this was their only flight today."

The Island Of Lost Luggage.

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

Deicing on the cake.