Air Crew Gifts

I hope we don't settle until after the hockey finals.

'Uh Oh - looks like another unhappy flight attendant.'

"Rob stop! Don't answer it! You're off reserve, let it go!"

"Flight or fight!"

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"Would you like some wings?"

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Two airplanes

Airport

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"You finished with your peanuts?"

'Will that be coach?'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.