Tv Crew Gifts

Local News in Heaven

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Cut!

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Applause

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Senior Jeopardy!

"True crime meets reality TV"

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

Next camera crew 5 mins

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Hollywood producer.

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

Mog The Week

"Aye, 'tis the elusive Moby Dick!"

Derren Brown: Pushed to the Edge

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Will work for Food Network.

"The real question is whether health care is a basic human right or a bona-fide commercial opportunity."

So, Leo catches me, devours me...wears make up?"