Theater Crew Gifts

"Okay. . . Where DID the elephant go?. . ."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Slip Ahoy!'

'It was great. I hated it.'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Local News in Heaven

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Lifesaver!

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

Hollywood producer.

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

So, Leo catches me, devours me...wears make up?"

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

True Story Movie

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

'Damn ! I don't have a clue where we are.'

Two reporters interview each other.

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."

Fire starts at magic show while audience participant is left behind.

"O.K. 'The Giant Baby from Space,' Take 1."

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.