Theater Staff Gifts

"Coughing, or non-coughing?"

The cleaner of the opera.

"Smoking in the outer lounge, please."

Stage hand.

"I said I was sorry....it worked just fine in rehearsal!"

Usher

"Would the owner of the car, reg number; C-A-1-3-4-7-2-3-0-5-2-2-7-4-9-8-0-6-2-4-9, please move your vehicle as it's blocking the entrance to the theatre. . ."

Theatre refreshments

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

The Witches Discover The Wok

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."