Theatre Staff Gifts

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

Keep your feet on the floor or on the other patrons, but not on the seats,please.

returns queue...

Usher

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Face painting.

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

The Witches Discover The Wok

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."