Television Crew Gifts

Broom Operators Deserve Better

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

'Sorry, it's packed with t.v crews doing links.' ( LONDON EYE )

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Cut!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

TV jester.

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Mary Tyler Moore: Spot the Difference

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"Downton Abbey Road"

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Somewhere in America... the day after "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" came to an end.

Local News in Heaven

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

Police film evidence

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

Next camera crew 5 mins

The following wildlife film is sponsored in part by a grant from...Mother Nature Foundation.

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

Can't Touch This

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

Goldilocks and the Three Stooges.