School Staff Gifts

'Do you realize that the only change we have had in this school in the last decade is a change in our phone number?'

'A hacker broke into our computer and, in an act of random kindness, organized our student files.'

'I'm beginning to enjoy these long walks with you every day.'

'He heard about inclusion and followed me here. Can he stay?'

'Your assignment, should you choose to accept, is to increase educational standards while support services dwindle.'

'I have an open-door policy, but only until the air conditioner is repaired.'

"It's a note from the bus driver about sugar highs."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

"I'm not saying they look anxious to leave, but they're in V-formation."

'Have you ever noticed all the comfort food in a teachers lounge?'

'He says he doesn't give a toss about Jamie Oliver but, if you can get Kylie Minogue to approve it, he'll eat it.'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"Eee sir! I'd completely forgotten that you've got legs!"!

"I see Mr. Watkins has got playground duty again!"

Teachers Lounge getting a bulk delivery of Aspirins.

'I hate the first day of school.'

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

Suggestion box and a box for 'Unsolicited letters of praise.'

'Let's all practice bug control.'

'I was asked to attend a meeting on Accountability in Education. Harold, how long will it take for you to teach me the art of camouflage?'

"Now, just to review, at the last faculty meeting we established that Marcia hates Fred, Fred hates Carol and Marcia, Carol and Larry despise me, and I hate Larry, Marcia, Fred and Penny."

'Where's everybody?'

"I guess there've been more staff cuts than we thought."

'Ah, here it is- section three, paragraph two: ‘console, but don't cuddle'.'

'No, It's not last years leftovers.'

"Yes, Eric you do need to do a duty. You know as well as I do that every dog has its day."

'I understand that Mrs. Doan is retiring at the end of the semester.'

"Illegal or not, I'm pretty sure they pray in there."

"The staff at this school just seem like family to me."

'It says, 'if you can read this, you're too close'.'

Obesity In Schools

"Bobby was caught imposing his values on another student."

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

'That's where they go to lick their wounds.'

"Your kid throws up a lot."