Educational Staff Gifts

"Ms. Holder, in the future, please refrain from using hearts in the place of periods."

"If we didn't send them out to recess after lunch, they wouldn't be full of solar energy all afternoon."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'I give this one about three months...'

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Happy Birthday to you.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'