University Staff Gifts

'Professor, Professor, the slaves are, I mean, the PhD students are revolting!'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"My first choice college should have lots of closet space."

Philosophy Department sign reads "Trespassers will be.".

"I'm applying for a grant to be able to apply for more grants."

'Hi, I'm from your alumni assocation, and I'm wondering if you'd care to share your loot...'

'That reminds me. We have a faculty meeting this afternoon.'

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Shooting a spitball at the Dean on graduation day.

The Lecture.

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

OK Corral.

"I hereby bring to order this Sunday session of the Faculty Senate."

"I didn't realize there would be so much yucky stuff."

'Nice 'power tie', professor.'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

Sign On Door of Dept. Of Neanderthal Literature - Out Eat Back.

"The cape isn't the only reason he was named Department Head, but it didn't hurt."

'It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to GIVE there.'

'Bad news. . . Things are too good to get any grant money.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

"Phil's a living legend on this campus. His last grant proposal won a Pulitzer."

"The biggest difference between you and me is that I'm version 8.7 and you're still version 5.1."

The assistant to the chair begins another busy day.

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

The Department of Chairs react to the budget cuts.

Professor's in/out boxes are labelled PC and UN-PC.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Fancy a tutorial lad?"

Graduation Bill.

'I'm writing a letter to my parents. How many N's in money?'

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."