Teaching Staff Gifts

"That's our new drama teacher!"

"It's days like this that make me glad I became a teacher."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'I give this one about three months...'

'I have been hearing some disturbing comments about you, Parker, some of your employees think you're a nice guy!'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Happy Birthday to you.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."