School Faculty Gifts

'Do you ever feel we're having too many inoculations forced on us?'

"Now that we have ESSA, does that mean we can start leaving children behind again?"

Thinking Gears

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

What Does God Know?

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

"Well, here's your problem. You need an O right there."

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

How Trickle Down Economics Work

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

End of Affirmative Action

"Well, we got the grant."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

Weapens of Mass Instruction

Safe spaces?