Art School Faculty Gifts

"I'm going to write a figure on this paper. You tell me if it looks like a turtle."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

The Artist

'I'm in my Blue period.'

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

Instructional guide to scribbling

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Children's artwork exhibition.

Young Picasso at the Beach

It's a call from Tate modern.

"You're welcome."

Misunderstood artist

Cat with Nine Still Lives

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're my Mona Lisa."

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

'Projectile painting.'