School Officials Gifts

"You'll appreciate that it's now half a kilo of tuppeny rice."

Ethics exam cheater.

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

I will study my speling words...

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Isn't there an app for this?"

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'

Yummy Mummies

"How can I be a lead learner without the technology needed to lead?"

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

The Re-Opening of Schools

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"I believe that's a Montessori school."