School Administration Gifts

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

'She's a new school principal with 'old school' principles.'

"Hmm...I think we can include the drug awareness program, the anti-bullying initiative, sex-ed instruction and values awareness, but we're going to have to cut math, reading and science."

'The principal is busy right now, so I have to put you on hold. Would you like to hear our mission statement sung by the school chorus?'

'I am sick and tired of your constant whining about our overcrowded classroom, No.112!'

'It says, the board HAS agreed to allocate those extra funds you requested.'

'Angry parents on lines 1,2,3,4 and 5.'

'Then it's agreed! Our mission statement will be to deliver more and better education.'

"The fact is, I didn't do the homework assignment because you seem to be swamped with paperwork and I didn't want to add to your problems."

'Watch out for her. She lets you do all the talking.'

'For the next hour, hold all calls. I'll be practicing tumbling. I have to learn to roll with the punches.'

'Before we discuss some of Bradley's issues, the superintendent is willing to offer you $25,000 to move out of the district.'

'Teaching, reading, writing, and arithmetic sounds like a good idea. Let me run it by an educational focus group.'

'Ms. Green, I'm reviewing our school's latest standardized test scores. Please send in a grief counselor.'

'My kindergarten class is using frozen waffles for stacking and building.'

'Your assignment, should you choose to accept, is to increase educational standards while support services dwindle.'

'Take this mission statement back to the committee and tell them to rework it. I'd like it to mention education.'

'Welcome to our staff. Here's a curriculum guide, a roll book, and a bag of tricks.'

'I'm not being edutained!'

'I have an open-door policy, but only until the air conditioner is repaired.'

'The first item on the principal's cabinet agenda is the high rate of staff absenteeism.'

'Yes, I received the Parents Association's proposal to revamp the school administration. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

'We just finished our meeting on raising educational standards. Please call maintenance. Please call maintenance and have them vacuum up all the educational buzzwords left on the carpeting.'

Crowded classrooms: 'Sorry lady, no more room.'

'I'm more unpopular now than I was at school.'

'Being a principal of an inner-city school is a demanding job. My single most important priority is to lower the drop-out rate for students... and teachers alike.'

'Here is a printout of the results of our recent standardized tests and here are the same results printed with a very small, hard-to-read-font, to make the implications less obvious.'

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

'I'll need the S.A.T.'s, G.E.D.'s and A.C.T.'s, ASAP...'

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

'I'm just filing a grievance.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

It was clear to Mrs. Bennis how the public school budget cuts were hurting students when she asked Danny for a math formula.

Teacher with work box: 'You could do better work.'

'Excuse me, but who cast the '10-4' vote?'