School Management Gifts

"I want you to know that the school board is very pleased with your efforts to make this new budget work."

Books on running a successful school,

'The scores for our latest standardized tests are disappointing. We have to articulate a coherent policy of obfuscation.'

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

"Do you realize that the only change we have had, in this school, is in our school telephone number?"

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

'Then it's agreed. Our mission statement will be to deliver more and better education.'

It's good to expand successful schools, but isn't there a danger of over-extending the catchment area.

Sure there's a way to discipline them. Yell at them.

'My teacher has nerves of steel, but that's not strong enough.'

'Thanks to the 'Mail-in Box Top Sweepstakes', enrollment is up.'

"Ms. Conrad doesn't need eyes in the back of her head. She installed a video camera!"

'I'm going to walk around the school - keep me under constant surveilance.'

OFSTED

School Budget Cuts

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"For the last time, I'm the Principal not the Warden."

'You sure she's gonna be okay subbing in there? It's a tough class.'

"Yes, Gary, I'm sure the school hasn't banned your math textbook. Now, go back to class."

"So, how did your first day go at teaching grade school?"

Teacher's Inbox: In One Ear/Out The Other

"He's given up finding any more savings from the schools budget. . ."

'That's the last time I take 3B!'

"I got it from the phys ed teacher. It's a wonderful teaching tool."

"Could you keep little Edward home from school today, Mrs. Rogers? It's part of our teacher morale project."

"That chart monitors the class seating an that chart monitors the class cliques."

"If they're not cutting back on teachers, how come we now have a three-hour lunch period?"

"Just principal will suffice, Ed."

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

'You'll notice your desks have a new feature this year. Sit down and buckle up.'

'Rough day Principal Harris?'

Your assignment, should you accept, is to increase educational standards while support services dwindle.

'As the principal, you'd be darn sure I'd know if there were any grade inflations going on around here.'

Principal, Attitude Adjuster.