School Administrator Gifts

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

"I want you to know that the school board is very pleased with your efforts to make this new budget work."

"Now, just to review, at the last faculty meeting we established that Marcia hates Fred, Fred hates Carol and Marcia, Carol really can't stand Larry, Larry despises me, and I hate Larry, Marcia, Fred and Penny."

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'I demand diplomatic immunity... I'm class president.'

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

"Do you come here often?"

The Berlitz Guide to Parent-Teacher Conferences

'...And that should cover all my rules for the class.'

Ethics exam cheater.

"I wouldn't say your son is a bad child. He's gifted at disruptive behavior."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'They meet in there. Some kind of support group.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'Before I answer your question, let me briefly review my list of strategies for dealing with difficult people.'

"Hmm...I think we can include the drug awareness program, the anti-bullying initiative, sex-ed instruction and values awareness, but we're going to have to cut math, reading and science."

"I'm desperate to hold on to our good teachers."

'The scores for our latest standardized tests are disappointing. We have to articulate a coherent policy of obfuscation.'

'I am sick and tired of your constant whining about our overcrowded classroom, No.112!'

"I feel I should remind you that the latest research cautions against an over-reliance on testing."

"Can you help me, Mrs. Green? This wasn't covered in any of my education courses!"

'I hope it's not too much of an inconvenience for you, but I'm desperate to hold on to our good teachers.'

'I see you have a rich and generous father. You're in.'

'Angry parents on lines 1,2,3,4 and 5.'

Man sees misspelled 'Minimum Competency Testing' sign on door.

Guidance Counsellor: 'Today I was visited by nine students and two teachers.'

'My grades could be better if the school had a data driven, evidence based curriculum in the classroom.'

'Since we initiated regular staff development sessions, we've turned the school around 360 degrees.'

"There's nothing to be scared of, Mrs. Miller, it's just another teaching tool!"

'146 days of leadership without any negative press.'

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'Lessons have been learned.'

"It's only the first day, so I haven't had a chance to learn all your names yet!"