Technology Officer Gifts

"As your Chief Technology Officer it's my duty to inform you that we don't have any."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

In the Guru District

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

"Was that my pager or yours?"

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

S.S.dot.com

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Fact amnesty"

The Design Artiste

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"Whoa - not so fast! I've got to check your browsing history first..."

"It's not your phone service... you're talking into a spring roll."

Information Tightrope.

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'You've done a good job for the company, Roger, but we just need someone who's a little less...analog.'

"We can't be assailed and we can't be blackmailed... can't be derailed and will not be curtailed... competition will fail... cause we're too big to nail... oh, yeah!"

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

Musk v Zuckerberg - Rockem Sockem Robots

"It was a lot easier to keep up with the Joneses before they replaced their entire workforce with robots."

"You are found guilty of privacy, aggravated privacy and the exercise of privacy with intent to conceal."