Training Specialist Gifts

'He likes to introduce variety to his mentoring communications...'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

US and the EU

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Hanging off every word...

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

Quality Control

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'First of all, relax.'

Targets.

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'I miss the good old days!'