Training Seminars Gifts

"Like you, most people believe echolocation is beyond their grasp. NOT TRUE! And in my seminar, I'll teach you how to use this powerful business communication tool TODAY! Have a brochure."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Here we are."

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"Shake! Good Dog."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

Hanging off every word...