Training Workshops Gifts

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"Shake! Good Dog."

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"Not a bad list kiddo, but I know them all! I've told you it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks..."

Hanging off every word...

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

Belief and Trust.

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."