Training Gifts

"You know your mistake? When they say 'speak,' you speak."

We find this model works better for us!

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

"Why don't you try learning from your own mistakes?"

"I don't get it. If he's no faster than me, how come he always beats me?"

'Having done the mentoring skills questionnaire I think I need a mentor to mentor me in improving my mentoring.'

"Tim, there's more to coaching than trying to get everyone to be just like you!"

"Jump!" Performance management.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Presentation skills.

'Before we begin I need to inform you that the computers in this row are not working and some of the passwords are not being accepted by all the computers.'

'Well - there's your problem. You can't upgrade the system without upgrading the staff.'

Obedience school was tough. Especially the homework, which he would do and then eat.

"No, no, no. Double-click to open. I'll walk you through it one more time. Go get your leash."

'Since we initiated regular staff development sessions, we've turned the school around 360 degrees.'

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

'The new physio's red hot on pre-match stretching.'

"I know I'm suppose to be a customer but what kind of customer...am I tortured, am I HAPPY? What's my MOTIVATION?"

"People like sincerity - learn to fake that and you've got it made."

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

Chinese whispers: "This active listening workshop sounds useful!" "Why would I want to go to Worksop?"

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

We're teaching using the 'show and tell' method,we show them where the training website is and tell them how to use it!

'Come on you fat sweaty useless ugly slob!!...Get those flabby white legs moving!!'

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

"I only asked them to switch off their mobiles..."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'Let's put that nasty word out 'plummet' of our minds.'

Sales Course - "Remember, the secret of selling is 'sincerity' - once you can fake that you've got it made."

"Okay, I think I've got the general thrust"

'To explain this extremely complex new imaging system, we've brought in Chuckles.'

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

Small steps...