Train Gifts

Delayed 1840- from Darlington (the Rocket).

'The HS2 line is going to bring in a lot of work...'

"It's deeper by train"

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Carefree luggage.

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

Overjumpers

"Any questions?"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."