Pet Training Gifts

"'Pee on the carpet!' That's your solution to everything."

'The months of arduous training were worth it, she makes a decent martini.'

'I must admit that I've come a long way since I first heard the word speak!...'

"Well, I still don't believe you're a bad dog. I think you're just searching for something. A lost bone perhaps."

(Jump!) (I'm doing a risk/reward analysis.) (Good boy.) (Accountant's Dog)

"It is not done well, but one is surprised to find it done at all."

Preschools for Dogs

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

'For goodness sake, what do you expect me to say?'

'Attack!'

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

'That's the last time I trust you to train the dog!'

Cat Obedience School

Walking the dog

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

'Shake'

"It's fine to teach Toby to sit,but not at the table."

Heel! Toe!

"I don't know what to do anymore! Our new carpet was really expensive but so was the dog!"

'Why always on the editorial page?'

'He can ignore you in seven different languages.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'We need more consensus at meetings so I'm sending everyone to Obedience School.'

"I taught him to beg, roll over and fetch sticks but after I taught him to use the cash point it all went down hill"

Sparky was always terrified of public speaking

"Don't even think about it."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Don't come crying to me when you're no longer cute and still not housebroken."

"Oh, we've got to nip this little trick in the bud right away."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

"That's awesome that you taught him to heel, but I just want him to walk normally."

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"