Puppy Training Gifts

"Sit!"

"A simple command. She gets right to the point. I must obey. Still...I see that rolled-up newspaper as a threatening gesture designed to humble and instill fear. Therefore, later, while she sleeps. I will chew up her other shoe."

"I'm sorry, you kept reading the paper and I couldn't wait any longer."

"The key to meditation is learning to stay."

Meditation for dogs

'That beagle sure is a tough case!'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'Ears up - wag that tail - soulful expression - he is YOURS!'

"The dog training class we sent him to is working, he has just texted to say he wants to go walkies."

Pet owner hanging Obedience School diploma

"Not until you fetch the other one."

"Not a bad list kiddo, but I know them all! I've told you it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks..."

"Gerry taught him to beg but his good manners are down to me."

Man blowing up plastic tree so dog can relieve himself.

"They keep asking me, 'Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?' How should I know?"

"If you're my best friend then why did you have me neutered?"

"I'd like to help him, but honestly I have no idea who the good boy is."

"Don't listen to those pampered puppies at obedience school: there's no shame is being a working dog!"

"Getting a puppy isn't so bad once you drink."

'Don't make such a fuss woman, he's only a puppy!'

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

'I had no idea a puppy could be so destructive.'

'Her ladyship wishes Princess La Pompadour to do everything but beg!'

Teaching dog to fetch slippers.

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

"I can't believe I'd been carrying them in my mouth."

Dog day afternoon

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Polly txt speak

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Pick me!"

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'