Training Courses Gifts

"I knew we shouldn't have let health and safety run the self-defence course!"

'I'm not filling out any home visit reports and you can't make me.'

"I suggest we send an anonymous letter extolling the benefits of management training courses."

"Look out, we've an urgent 'problem!' or, urgent 'challenge!'...Which word should Joyce correctly use team?"

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

Computer Expert

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"Not a bad list kiddo, but I know them all! I've told you it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks..."

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

Hanging off every word...