Technology Trainer Gifts

"No, that's 'Gilligan's Island.' You want to withdraw cash. Hit cancel and try again."

"I've got your visual studio software here..."

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Jack of all trades

The Computer Bore

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

Early cyborg.

The Not-So Smart Meter

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Hanging off every word...

Robot Jogger

Congratulations on your retirement!

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

High speed cinder block