Computer Trainer Gifts

STRIP Hambone: Interfacing at a computer course

STRIP Hambone: Training wheels on a computer

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Computer Expert

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Robot Jogger

Hanging off every word...

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'First of all, relax.'

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

Targets.

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'Leadership training.'

'I miss the good old days!'