Simulation Trainer Gifts

'It's alright, it's only simulated sick.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Hanging off every word...

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Quality Control

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Targets.

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

'First of all, relax.'

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Mentors guide you through the maze.

'I miss the good old days!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"My assistant will show you the ropes."