Training Coordinator Gifts

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

"We find putting the customer first works for us!"

"And this bit down here is about actually how to do the job."

'It's not as bad as it looks! It's essential training, I think some of them quite enjoy it. A bit like a horror movie.'

Bunny rabbit helping Santa - 'I hate interns.'

"It's from our 'Time Management' trainer. He's double booked and can't come!"

"Just because times are tough doesn't mean we should cut back on staff training...So today I'd like you to spend some time at the benefits agency..."

'I was hoping for a more sophisticated communications strategy for staff motivation than wearing those in supervisions.'

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"For cryin' out loud, are you signing up or not?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Hanging off every word...

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."