Employment Tribunal Officer Gifts

'You may be confident of your claim but we still can't take a post-dated cheque.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"Bailiff."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

"People are always banging on about the advantages of 'so-called' diversity."

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'