Snorkeling Satirist Gifts

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

Turtle Hat

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Chicken soup for the sole.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Walking the Plank.

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

Man painting MOM on boat

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

'We're drifting apart.'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"Nope, not a dock! Not a diving board! Guess again!"

Fish near-death experiences.

'Have you ever wondered how deep the ocean would be without sponges?'

Contended beaver nurses a full stomach having eaten the captains wooden leg.

'Aye, but can you guys get 500 channels with those hooks?'

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

Titanic 2024: "Nope, no icebergs left."

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'