Seafaring Satirist Gifts

"There's nothing wrong with the ship. We just got a better offer."

"Three Morons At Sea."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Another Disappointment for Captain Ahab

'Fire another broadside ... and take Mrs. Kepelman some lotion.'

Pirate points to Plank Walking notice nailed to mast,

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Chicken soup for the sole.

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

Edna, I fear our love doesn't have a future... My parents would eat you!

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Man painting MOM on boat

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

Walking the Plank.

'I told you we should have unionized.'

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

'We're drifting apart.'

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"Nope, not a dock! Not a diving board! Guess again!"

Fish near-death experiences.

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'Aye, but can you guys get 500 channels with those hooks?'