Satirical Seafarer Gifts

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

'I told you we should have unionized.'

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

Titanic 2024: "Nope, no icebergs left."

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

Angry pirate looking at angry parrot (wearing diaper) on his shoulder.

"Bloody GPS-plotter is going silly again!"

'After paying for the boat, it's insurance, the docking and gas, I couldn't afford a trailer.'

"There's nothing wrong with the ship. We just got a better offer."

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

Another Disappointment for Captain Ahab

'That's what I call riding the barrel!'

Deflating Island

GREENLAND

'Help.'

Sea song.

'Ramming speed sailor.'

Crow's nest has scarecrow.

Surfing the Brown Water.

"Three Morons At Sea."

You're stopping me for sailing & drinking? No sweat. I can swim in a strait line!

'He's got it made, Derek - I know men who'd pay good money to get trampled on all over like that!'

"May I recommend Deborah, she has a perfect blend of Merlot and chocolate."

Post Office (packages for delivery)

Pirate points to Plank Walking notice nailed to mast,

I think we are just too darn tasty to swim in the sea!

'Fire another broadside ... and take Mrs. Kepelman some lotion.'

"Arrh, 'e be leaving 'is monocle on tha sill again..."

Shipwreck captain playing with toy boat.