Seafaring Satirist T-Shirts

"There's nothing wrong with the ship. We just got a better offer."

"Three Morons At Sea."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Another Disappointment for Captain Ahab

'Fire another broadside ... and take Mrs. Kepelman some lotion.'

Pirate points to Plank Walking notice nailed to mast,

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Man painting MOM on boat

Walking the Plank.

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

Edna, I fear our love doesn't have a future... My parents would eat you!

'We're drifting apart.'

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

'I told you we should have unionized.'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

Fish near-death experiences.

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

'Have you ever wondered how deep the ocean would be without sponges?'

Contended beaver nurses a full stomach having eaten the captains wooden leg.

Titanic 2024: "Nope, no icebergs left."