Sailing Satirist Gifts

'After paying for the boat, it's insurance, the docking and gas, I couldn't afford a trailer.'

Rabbi...priest...and...horse...go...into...a...bar...

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Chicken soup for the sole.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Walking the Plank.

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

Man painting MOM on boat

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'We're drifting apart.'

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

"Nope, not a dock! Not a diving board! Guess again!"

Fish near-death experiences.

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

Contended beaver nurses a full stomach having eaten the captains wooden leg.

'Aye, but can you guys get 500 channels with those hooks?'

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

Titanic 2024: "Nope, no icebergs left."

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'