Sailing Satirists Gifts

'Things have been pretty quiet around here since the capt'n got into online piracy.'

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Man painting MOM on boat

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

Walking the Plank.

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'We're drifting apart.'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

Fish near-death experiences.

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

Titanic 2024: "Nope, no icebergs left."

Contended beaver nurses a full stomach having eaten the captains wooden leg.

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

'Give it to me straight, doctor - is it Dutch Elm Disease?