Sailing Satire Fan Gifts

"Should we tell the captain about that approaching enemy ship?"

"Ticket and passport, please."

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

"Let’s draw him closer to New Bedford — we’ll get cell service there and Instagram the heck out of this!"

Fisherman selling sardines in oil, haddock in oil, cod in oil etc..

'I told you we should have unionized.'

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

'I think we should wake the Captain!'

'I think I caught one of those fish showing on the graph.'

Titanic 2024: "Nope, no icebergs left."

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'Which dog is named 'BOGART'?'

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

Angry pirate looking at angry parrot (wearing diaper) on his shoulder.

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

'It's bad news for the cabin boy.'

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

'After paying for the boat, it's insurance, the docking and gas, I couldn't afford a trailer.'

'I just think it might be a bit too jolly for the captain's taste.'

"Stop repeating everything I say birdbrain!"

"Gosh and I thought it was a barbershop."

Rock the boat.

"Rats, we can't bow ride this one: it's a hovercraft..."

"Seriously, Mittens, let's let this one go."

GREENLAND

A Jack Tar

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

"Hi! I'm Greg Holbrook, born in L.A., now live in Stamford with my wife and three kids, went to school at Exeter, graduated Yale '38, did a two-year hitch in the Navy, now write copy for McCann-Erickson, my hobbies are tennis and sailing. Who are you and what do you do?"

Pants on the mast

'Things have been pretty quiet around here since the capt'n got into online piracy.'

'Ramming speed sailor.'

'Call yourself a pirate? Where's the parrot and peg leg?'

'I don't know why, but suddenly I have a craving for SALTWATER TAFFY.'

'I bought my peg - leg from a gypsy.'