Sedentary Chronicles Gifts

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

We never fly anywhere anymore.

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"Some women to see you, Anne."

Use it or lose it.

'American, idle.'

A businessman sits behind a desk; a nameplate on the desk reads "A. Nellson: Desk Potato".

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

Reality television programme - showing infinite regression

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

"Obsessive complacent disorder"

"Do you have any reading material that doesn't mock the sedentary life?"

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

"I can't tell if you're at work or at home."

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

"I'm not sure what that feels like."

"Whay do they think about all day?"

"He wanted to be buried how he lived his life."

Modern Childhood

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

"It seems like everything these days is new and improved. . . except you."

"... I CAN'T be 'at risk for a heart attack,' I never exert myself!"

'It's repetitive strain injury - try using the thumb on your other hand for the television remote.'

"I don't think that lifting the remote control counts as exercise!"