Sedentary Lifestyle Aficionado Gifts

'Herb is into low impact television.'

"It seems like everything these days is new and improved. . . except you."

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

'You've made wonderful progress,Miss Pritchard.'

We never fly anywhere anymore.

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"Remember me? I'm your running shoes. Remember what running is?"

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'Flexible working can lead to many benefits, increased productivity, reduced travel expenses, lower stress levels and most importantly...Henry gets to go on more walks.'

Use it or lose it.

'American, idle.'

'What are they, men or women? I don't know, they're not wearing clothes.'

"But otherwise I'll bet they lead very dull lives."

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

"No! No! I said 'virgin', NOT 'vegan' !"

"I'm searching my family history in hopes of finding some generational trauma or institutionalized oppression that would explain whole I'm failing all my courses."

'It's a vegetarian cave painting.'

Nudist Colony Halloween Parties

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

Reality television programme - showing infinite regression

"The very thought of exercise does that to him. I guess that's why it's called cross training."

"Obsessive complacent disorder"

'So, Bjorn, I hear you've gone vegan!'

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."