Sedentary Lifestyle Humorist Gifts

"We have a new exercise routine. I moved the refrigerator to the basement and the TV to the attic."

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Health

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

We never fly anywhere anymore.

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

Late Bloomers

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

Use it or lose it.

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

'American, idle.'

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

'Sure I eat three desserts but each trip I put only one dessert on my plate. That way I walk off the calories.'