Lifestyle Humorist Gifts

"Great spot, Al. I didn't know there was anyplace left that permitted cigar smoking naked."

Lager drinker and a vegetarian eating together.

Nathan is a strict vegetatetarian.

Geriatrics: 'Wine...women...song'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

Health

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

Late Bloomers

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

Renaissance Zone

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

Rocket charmer.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'I'm bored.'

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"