Luxury Lifestyle Humorists Gifts

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Bed and Breakfast

Champagne at the hunt

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

The mushroom pickers

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

"It was a gift from god."

'You will make big bucks, then you'll give it all away to reduce your taxes.'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Bulltoon: Insatiabull.

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

Holy Pizza

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."

'I don't know where he's getting it from, but it happens every time I ask him to fetch my slippers.'

Man eating a bad oyster

"That was the last of the O-negative."

Lager drinker and a vegetarian eating together.

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

"Great spot, Al. I didn't know there was anyplace left that permitted cigar smoking naked."